dare to change.

holiday should be fun, right? but its not what i'm feeling these past few weeks. i felt empty. i did shopping, i watched movies, i had fun with my friends, had enough sleep, but one thing that i miss is my relationship with GOD :( and that makes my life not perfect, that makes my life empty. 

I'M MISSING MY GOD. 

I miss the days when i was so close to God. lately i feel like i just talk to Him when i need Him. when i'm done with my problem then i'm also done talking to Him, done building a relationship with Him. and i just realised how bad i am :( 

i try to run, trying to have fun, but all i got is that emptiness all over again. i know i miss Him, but its just so hard for me to come to Him, i've been doing bad things lately and i'm ashamed to come to Him. but then i decided to listen to 'Father's Love Letter' all over again. and it did work. i'm feeling God's love embraces me. He loves me too much. even though i'm a sinner, He still love me. Even when i'm failed to do what He wants me to do, He still cares for me, He gives us chances, He always trust us that we can, we're able to be His instrument. I remember once He said to me when i was about to give up on this religious life i had. i said to Him, God i cant do this anymore. I failed so many times and i just wanna give up. but then God said to me, dont be afraid to fail and i dont need to give up. He shows me the prophets and disciples in the bible, every one of them did something wrong once twice or even so many times, but they didnt give up on what God told them to do. and so do I, just because i fail several times doesnt mean that i should give up. this is where i get my strength to rise again.

Our God is just too big.

You will never know what He has for us in store. but one thing I know is that He's doing great things in our life. He wants to use us to spread the good news. whatever we have in our past, it doesnt matter for Him. All He cares is your heart. A heart that willing to keep fighting and not giving up in anything. A heart that loves Him with all our heart, our soul, our mind and our strength. :)

have a good night sleep everyone and know that Jesus loves you :)

"Its not how many times you fall that counts, but how many times you can get up after u fell is what counts."

Our God is an awesome God! 

and His faithfulness endures forever :)

Last month my bf went to China. He'll study there until next year. My brain started to think about China, its hard to find church there, there's no catholic community, the social life there, what if this happens, what if that happens, etc. but then i remember that i have a great God, why should i worry? for He has a great plan for each of us. If God wants to put my bf in China, i know that He has a beautiful plan for him there. I started to pray for him that he'll find a community that will make him grow in faith, and if there is no community there i really hope that he can be the one who open the way for ppl there to know about Jesus through a catholic community. but i think i'm asking too much, since my bf is not that type of person who wants to be a leader or whatever we call it.

weeks past, and praise the Lord, my bf found a catholic prayer meeting there :D and i was quite surprised that he's joining in. 2 weeks past, and this afternoon he said that he missed being in a cell group (a group of 6-8 ppl who gathered to share God's grace, God's kindness and God's words), he missed praising and worshipping God together and listening to Gods words and i didn't know that today he discussed with the head of the prayer meeting about cell groups and the head of the prayer meeting said that its okay if he could be the one who is responsible for the cell group.

I'm amazed.

God answers my prayer. I'm really proud of my bf. the old him would never do things like this. but he changed now. he changed to be a better man who loves God, who hunger and thirst for God. i'm so lucky to have him, a man who lives not for himself but for God!

i love you, B.

orphans has always caught my attention. and yes that's why i always want to share my birthday with them. this year, praise the Lord, i could celebrate my birthday at the orphanage. yay for that! :D even though its not as big as 2 years ago, this celebration can be counted success :)

 there were 12 children at this orphanage and the didn't seem too happy at first. we tried so hard to make them happy. 

 we sang sunday school songs, if they sang and danced then they got a present from me! LOL.

we also told a story about Noah. and after that we made Noah's ark together :)

here's the cute boy holding his Noah's ark. well, don't see how he color it, just imagine that it's a good Noah's ark :p

i was thrilled seeing this child prayed seriously :') proud of you lil boy!

 and then, surprise!! lol. i didn't know that they were going to give me a lil surprise like this and also gave me a cute birthday present.

see how cute it is :D they said i just bought a new laptop so i might need a mouse. so sweet eh? :$

if we have a beautiful life, perfect life, why don't we share our happiness with those who are in need, not just in need of material but also in need of love and care. your happiness is complete when you can make others happy

be blessed by blessing others! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! :D

praise the LORD for giving me a healthy life, a great family, an amazing community and also a loving boyfriend. i believe that God has planned every single thing in my life and make it so perfect :) i hope i can be more grateful for what i have, more mature in Christ and i really do hope i can be a good shepherd for my cell. yay!

so that picture above is my birthday cake from my be sties. lol! they were so silly. i thought that they might not care for me anymore hiks hiks, i waited until 11.59 p.m but they didn't show up. but an hour after my birthday, they came and gave me a surprise! whoa! i could say that this is my worst birthday yet the best ones :) 

this is me making a wish. and yes that was my custom-birthday-cake made by my girls. well, you can see how creative they were, mixing bread and their wishes. and you can't imagine what they wrote on that colorful papers.. hmm.

  can you see that? "sw ayankk, udah makan belom?" LOL! thats not even a wish.

and that's my birthday present from them. i love it :) thank you so much guys for being such a best best best friend for me. though i'm not always a great friend, but you girls still love me anyway :')